Restoring relationships, one gray area at a time.
Meet Kate Gray, LMFT
“Codependency Kate” — Codependency Therapist, Relationship Specialist & Creator of the BEND Method™
Current Courses
So you don't want to leave, but you don't want to stay. This is the HARDEST place to be in your relationship. If you’ve tried everything, and all of the empathy, understanding, and even couples therapy isn't working, you might need a different approach: my "top-down approach." This is the first of my Marriage 101 series on restoring relationships.
This course includes 8 videos highlighting different concepts to help restore your SELF in your relationship, but more importantly how to treat your partner whom you love, but who has dysfunctional traits.
8 video classes with full captioning
Introduction
What you need to know first
What a top-down approach is NOT
What is a top-down approach?
Detach with my “to you” theory
Step by step how to respond to shitty behavior
What growth mentality looks like
Mantras to repeat and final thoughts
A master list of Kate’s related social media content by subject and platform
Video summaries
Quizzes
Examples
Reflection questions
Optional office hours with Kate
Coming soon: case studies
Shop the
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BEND Collection
Discover the latest additions to our collection—handpicked pieces that bring new energy to your space.
You’re not bad at emotions—you were just never taught how to work with them.
The BEND Emotional Regulation Guide is a comprehensive, trauma-informed digital guide designed to help you understand, regulate, and respond to your emotions with clarity and self-compassion. Created by licensed marriage and family therapist Kate Gray, LMFT (@codependencykate), this guide turns emotional overwhelm into something practical, manageable, and human.
Whether you’re feeling anxious, overstimulated, shut down, reactive, or emotionally flooded, BEND gives you real-world tools you can actually use in the moment—not vague advice like “just journal” or “take a deep breath.”
What You’ll Learn
How to regulate your emotions without shame or self-judgment
The BEND Method (Behavior, Emotions, Needs, Desires) for self-compassion and re-parenting
How to separate your emotions from other people’s emotions
Practical tools like Self-Compassion, Emotional Forecasting, Hate Lists, and Tapping
Why emotions are “energy in motion” and how to work with your nervous system—not against it
What’s Inside
Step-by-step explanations of 5 core emotional regulation skills
Real-life examples and guided worksheets
Embedded video links from Kate explaining each concept
Somatic tools backed by neuroscience and trauma research
Resources for crisis support, therapy, and continued learning
This Guide Is For You If:
✔ You want healthier relationships but don’t know how to respond differently
✔ You’re breaking old patterns around codependency, people-pleasing, or emotional reactivity
✔ You want tools that work when you’re overwhelmed—not just when you’re calm
✔ You were never taught how to support yourself emotionally growing up
Why BEND Works
BEND doesn’t pathologize your emotions—it normalizes them. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” you’ll learn to ask “What do I need right now?” This shift alone can change how you relate to yourself, your partner, your kids, and everyone around you.
This guide is not therapy, but it is therapy-informed—and for many people, it’s the missing piece they wish they’d learned years ago.
Your emotions make sense. Let’s learn how to listen to them.
Instant digital download. Lifetime access.
Bring Codependency Kate’s BEND Method into your daily life—right where it matters most.
This refrigerator notepad is designed for real-time self-reflection, helping you pause, BEND, and respond with clarity in the moment. Each tear-away page is thoughtfully laid out with dedicated sections for Behavior, Emotions, Needs, and Desires, so you can quickly track what’s happening internally and choose a more aligned response.
Sized at 4.25" x 9", it fits perfectly on your fridge, desk, or filing cabinet. The magnetic backing keeps it visible and accessible, while full-color pages make the process inviting and easy to use—no matter how busy or emotionally charged the moment is.
A simple, powerful tool for practicing the Bend Method daily and building awareness one moment at a time.
Please note that this product only ships to the United States at this time.
• 4.25″ × 9″ (10.8 cm × 22.9 cm)
• 50 single-sided tear-away pages
•Magnetic backing
• All pages feature the same design as the front
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Bring Codependency Kate’s BEND Method into your daily routine with this BEND Notepad, designed for quick, meaningful self-check-ins anytime you need them.
Each tear-away page is structured with clear sections for Behavior, Emotions, Needs, and Desires, making it easy to pause, reflect, and respond with intention in real time. Whether you’re navigating a tough conversation or grounding yourself mid-day, this notepad helps you bend toward awareness and choice.
Sized at 5.5" x 6", it’s compact yet spacious enough for thoughtful reflection. With full-color pages and a clean, approachable layout, it’s perfect for your desk, nightstand, or bag—offering a simple, powerful way to practice the Bend Method wherever you are.
Please note that this product only ships to the United States at this time.
• 5.5″ × 6″ ( 21.6 cm × 27.9 cm)
• 40 single-sided tear-away pages
• Hard cardboard backing
• All pages feature the same design as the front
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
The BEND Hardcover Journal is a beautiful, intentional space to go deeper with Codependency Kate’s BEND Method.
Designed for reflection beyond the moment, this 150-page, lined journal gives you room to explore your patterns, process emotions, and clarify your needs and desires over time. Whether you’re unpacking a tough interaction or tracking your personal growth, the BEND Journal supports honest, grounded self-connection.
With a durable hardcover, full-color interior, and a thoughtfully sized 5.75" x 8" format, it’s perfect for daily journaling, therapy work, or quiet moments of self-check-in. Keep it by your bed, in your bag, or on your desk as a steady companion for bending toward awareness, choice, and self-trust.
• Matte laminated front and back cover
• 150 pages (75 sheets): lined, cream-colored, uncoated
• Cover weight: 80 lb (118 g/m²)
• Page weight: 70 lb (104 g/m²)
• Dimensions: 5.75″ × 8″ (14.6 cm × 20.3 cm)
• Perforated pages for easy tear-out
• Casewrap binding with a flexible sewn spine
• Blank product sourced and fulfilled in the US
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Class with Kate: The Podcast
New episodes every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Apply to be a guest on Kate’s podcast!
Be a guest on Calls with Kate and talk to Kate one on one! Get her perspective and advice about your unique personal situation. Guests are always anonymous.
Submit your questions for the show
Kate’s Calendar
Keep track of Kate’s livestreams, new podcast episodes, speaking events, and classes.
Submit your question for the podcast
In The News……
Exciting breakthroughs, noteworthy research, and important social sciences advancements.
Parenting strategies are shifting as neuroscience brings the developing brain into clearer focus
Published: August 21, 2025 8:35am EDT
Professor of Behavioral Science, Saint Louis University
The Effect of Spanking on the Brain
Posted: April 13, 2021 by Jill Anderson
Harvard Graduate School of Education
Check out some helpful resources
Books, podcasts, coaches, content creators, authors and organizations
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Have a therapist you think would be great for others? Let us know! We’ll add them to our therapist referral database (under construction).
